


Your Loverman.

by Alice_Henry



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AND MERRY CHRISMUT YOU ALL, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Choking, M/M, Sex, Smut, Will I ever stop naming my fics after Nick Cave's songs, and this fic is somewhat weird in a funny way (at least I tried)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 04:10:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9054787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Henry/pseuds/Alice_Henry
Summary: I had the urge to write a Regan Christmas smut. You should better read my fic "Mercy" beforehand.Merry Christmas everyone !I've took some ideas from the "Here's Negan" chapters, and I urge you to read them if you can.(English is still not my native language so I apologize for the mistakes. And I inform you that the quotations marks are french style (« and ») and not english nor american style so don't be surprised).





	

We managed to put the Christmas decorations on around town. I had wrapped put red and golden tinsels on my porch and around my windows. Well, I wasn't going to win the prize for Best Christmas Decorations this year but that would do.

I just stopped to rest for a while before dinner when I heard a knock on the door. With a grunt, I stood up to open. When I did, I paused, eyes wide.

 

«  - Negan  ?

\- No, it's Santa Claus  ! he answered. My beard is even making a comeback, see  ?

\- Yeah, I see. What are you doing here  ?

\- It's Christmas Eve Rick  ! he roared with a smile. You should share what you've got with others. I mean, I didn't came at Thanksgiving but … Christmas, man. Christmas ! D'you know I had to beat up one of these dead fuckers on the road  ? These fucking walking deads don't know shit about Christmas spirit  ! But you do. Right  ?

\- Right. It means you're going to stay for dinner, I suppose.

\- Absolutely. But I'm not the asshole you think I am so I took gifts  ! For the lil' one, for the bigger one and one for daddy  ! Well, actually, I am more _'daddy'_   than you, Negan grinned, making quotation marks with his fingers.

\- Come in and just …

\- You look grumpy for a man about to celebrate Christmas. You should relax a bit. Maybe you need a nice _shower_.  »

 

I almost choked on my saliva. I wanted to forget what happened a couple of weeks ago, in my shower stall. I tried my best not to think about it, gathered all my strengh not to remember how it felt everytime I was showering.

 

Negan put a lock of my hair behind my ear and faced me, his large hands on my shoulders. His tongue showed on his lips and he asked slowly  :

 

« Don't pretend you have a gift for me, Rick. I dropped by unannounced. It wouldn't be fair if you had a present and not me, right  ?  »

 

I felt shivers down my spine and my throat became tight. He wasn't going to live this down. He wasn't going to leave until he had his _gift_. But I didn't see Lucille. Where was she  ?

 

«- Hmm, Negan  ? You left Lucille outside. Well, a festive version of Lucille, Carl said, entering the house, holding her.

\- Oh, how reckless of me  ! Sorry, he whispered to the bat, holding it firmly. Thanks kid  ! You don't like Christmas Lucille  ? I spent quite some time putting it altogether, you know.

\- Well, it's … shiny. And not so threatening suddenly, he answered matter-of-factly, looking at the sparkly garlands wrapped around the bat.

\- Not so threatening, eh  ? I'm not sure you'd like me to smash your head with it, even without the barbed wires, he chuckled. But, I'm not here to fight. It's fucking Christmas after all. Peace and love and good food  ! Oooh it's that a Christmas turkey you bring in kid  ?

\- … Yes. I just come back from the turkey breeder. It's quite a big one, he said to his father who still looked subdued.

\- Amazing  ! Because I'm hungry and I didn't had a decent Christmas meal in years.  »

 

* * *

 

 

 I don't remember much what happened then. It feels like I wasn't really here, like I was watching things happen without participating. I went into the kitchen with Carl, warming up the food we prepared earlier. He tried to talk about making Negan leave but I knew too well that nothing would make him go. He told me that Michonne also saw Lucille on the porch and decided not to join us for dinner. It was probably the best decision. She would have gouged his eyes out.

 

We set the table and I went to the living room where Negan was watching Judith. I was scared at first but I had to admit... he was great with her. He was far from the evil man who killed too many of my friends. It seemed unreal, watching him play with her.

 

I stood by the door and stared for a little while. Judith was putting colored wood cubes together, making some fall. Negan was smiling fondly at her, helping her when one of the toys fell.

He noticed me and said  :

 

«  - You're surprised.

\- Yeah. Are you the same guy who smashs heads and guts people  ? I asked before sitting on the couch next to him.

\- People are not black and white, Rick. I thought you knew that. I'll advise you not to try to eat this, he advised Judith who was nibbling a cube. There, he said after taking it out of her hands and mouth.

\- You're pretty good around kids.

\- Well, I had two of them. Before.  »

 

That took me aback. We stayed silent for a while and watched Judith play. I finally managed to ask what could be a delicate question  :

 

«- What-

\- What happened to them  ? You're pretty nosy, Rick. But I'm the one who brought the subject up so I guess it's a fair question, he mumbled. I dunno about my boy. He was at community college when hell broke loose. For my daughter ...  »

 

He swallowed a generous sip from the whiskey glass Carl offered him. Then he took a deep breath, watching the snow falling slowly outside. I could see it was a difficult subject for him. But still, he wanted me to know and I felt somewhat privileged.

 

« She had a lung condition since birth. She passed away when she was about Judith's age. I was a kid back then. I was what, twenty, twenty one  ? Life's fucked up.  »

 

Negan took another sip while I stayed silent. He noticed my emotion and put his glass down. His face went close to mine and he smiled. But … It wasn't his usual grin. It was a sad one. It was the smile of a man who went through a lot and did many things he didn't imagine he would do.

 

Suddenly, I realized than Negan wasn't always the grand head smasher he was now. He had a wife, kids, a house and a job. Maybe he wasn't a saint back then but he wasn't pure evil. Was he pure evil **now**   ?

Right now, he didn't seem evil at all. He looked fucked up, _broken_ even.

 

But I had another question for him.

 

«- And your wife  ?

\- Oh, come on, Rick, you're being too nosy here, he smirked. Really. We're not close enough for me to tell you about her. And I think Carl is calling us for dinner.  »

 

He went up and gently took Judith in his arms, cuddling her. I followed him but my curiosity made me ask another nosy question once we were both standing  :

 

«- What was her name  ?

\- My wife's  ?

\- Yes.

\- You already know.  » he answered with a smile, gently taking Lucille in his hand before leaving the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Having dinner with Negan wasn't as terrible as I throught. Sure, he wasn't the best guest but he wasn't the worst, either. And he had quite a lot of stories to tell. It was quite amazing how he managed to put his camp up and it seemed we went through the same problems.

 

A part of me found awful the fact that I had common points with him, that we had similarities.

And another one was glad I wasn't alone, that another man knew what I went through, that I could be understood.

 

Did I wanted him to understand me  ? Could he understand me  ?

Could _I_ understand _him_   ?

 

Something I noticed with dread was that God, this man was drinking a lot. It was impressive he wasn't already drunk at mid-dinner. But, he was big. Really big. I could swear it because I saw it and felt it and-

 

I took a large sip of wine, hoping that it would make the memories go away. I focused on Carl, not wanting Negan to notice my embarassment. Maybe it was my imagination, but I could swear I heard him chuckle.

 

* * *

 

 

After dinner, Negan offered me to help do the dishes so we were both alone in the kitchen. Carl went in his room after helping me put Judith in her bed. The whole house was silent.

 

He was whistling, drying the dishes I was giving him. I couldn't help but to stare at his hands, how large and powerful they looked. I remembered how he squeezed my throat … _that day_.

 

«- Still thinkin' about it, Rick  ? he asked casually, as if he just asked me what time it was.

\- How could you know  ?

\- There are times when you avoid looking at me and go all blushy-blushy, like a flustered virgin seeing a dick for the first time. Not hard to know what's going on in your head then.

\- Believe, I'll prefer not to remember it **at all**.

\- Really  ? He said after a pause, his voice low. You didn't enjoy it, even a tiny little bit  ? Look at me, straight in the eyes, and dare telling me you didn't enjoyed it **at all**.  »

 

He bent down a little, taking my face in his palm, gazing at me without a blink. His thumb stroke my cheek. His eyes looked so deep and dark, like a dark hole about to swallow me whole. He approached his lips and repeated  :

 

«  Dare telling me you didn't enjoyed it **_at all_** , Rick.  »

 

I couldn't.

Because it wasn't the truth.

I did enjoyed it, somewhere inside of me. My mind was trying to forget it, but my body remembered how good it felt, between flashes of pain and shame.

And Negan definitely knew this.

 

And God knows why, but then, I kissed him. I heard a moan escape his throat and mouth and he held me with such force, he could have broke a vertebra. The water was still running and threatened to overflow the sink so I broke our embrace and turned it off.

 

He stood up behind me and held me in his arms closely. I felt his hot breath on my neck and his beard began itching my skin as he kissed and nibbled my ear. I suddenly became very aware that the curtains were wide open and the lights on and that anybody could see us from the outside.

 

My reaction made him laugh and he walked off. I heard him close the curtains. _All_   the curtains of the ground floor. Then Negan came back in the kitchen, whistling once again.

 

«- You're planning to stay a little bit, I guess  ? I ironised, leaning myself on the fridge.

\- Well, are you going to let your Christmas guest go back home alone, in the night and the snow, after drinking quite some good whisky  ? I'll be at these dead fuckers mercy. That would be very, very rude.

\- We have a guest room.

\- Actually, I already tested your mattress last time and it felt really comfortable. Don't forget what I said on our first meeting, he stated. Your shit is mine.  »

 

He stood up just in front of me, so closely our bodies touched through the fabric of our tees. Without a warning, he kissed me, oh, so softly. His lips tasted of whisky, and they played gently with mine. His hands went to my shoulders and he squeezed them. After breaking the kiss, he looked at me and put his mouth next my ear to murmur  :

 

«  **You** are mine.  »

 

Hell, I was.

I already knew that, he already proved that, but he wanted me to show my obedience once again.

 

«  - You're drunk, I managed to say.

\- I'm not. Maybe a little bit tipsy, that's all. But on the other hand, I'm gettin' real horny.

\- You want to do … _this_ … in my room  ?

\- Yup, he answered with a big smile.

\- Room that's just next to my son's and daughter's, I explained, sensing my body tense.

\- Oh. Well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Where's your guest room  ? Or maybe I could just fuck you on that table. Would you like that  ?  Oh, wait  !  »

 

Then he hurried off the room and went back with a present. He wrapped it up in an old and dirty newspaper and it didn't look half as nice as Lori's presents used to.

 

«  - You're not the best at wrapping, eh  ? I noticed with a grin.

\- Shut up. It's the thought that counts.  »

 

So I opened it up. And then I just looked at the gift, confused and somewhat horrified. I began to laugh almost hysterically. Tears ran down my cheeks and my breath was coming off short.

 

«- Are you sure you're not the drunk one, Rick  ? Negan asked with a laugh himself.

\- I'm losing my sanity, I replied with effort. But seriously .. _Lube_   ?

\- Well, I thought you may need it because you're going to be fucked. Whether it's an image or not. Are you going to be alright? I'm getting worried for you, he inquired after another laughing fit of mine.

\- I'm fine, I'm fine. Well, I've been better, but … I hadn't laughed like this in months. Maybe years.

\- It's a nice change seeing you like this. You have quite a great smile. Can you gimme my present now  ?  »

 

That was an hypothetical question.

But I answered «  yes  ».

Did I really had a choice  ? No.

Did I wanted this  ? … I didn't wanted to think about it.

 

We went to the guest room on the ground floor, where everything was untouched since we moved. We still washed and changed the sheets couple of weeks, and they smelled clean and fresh.

Negan put the light on, closed the door and shoved me hard on the bed. I was flat on my back when he took my shoes and socks off. Then he took his own off and laid down next to me.

 

«The mattress doesn't seems so bad here, he smirked. I know there's no mistletoe but could I have a kiss  ?  »

 

I obliged not once, not twice, but a lot. My lips went on his mouth, his nose, his cheeks and finished on his neck and collarbone. His hands took advantage of this to take off my tee and belt and to caress my skin. Moans were coming from deep in our throats when we faced each other.

 

«  - You're much more fun after a few glasses of wine, Rick, he remarked, nails scratching my hips.

\- You're a lot less of an asshole when you're not killing anybody, I answered.

\- So you're talking back now  ? I'm not sure I like it … Maybe I should punish you ...  »

 

He went on top of me, putting my legs between his. Then he put both his hands on my throat, squeezing lightly.

 

«  Choke you.  »

 

Squeezing harder.

 

«  So you learn ...  »

 

I couldn't breathe anymore. Dark spots invaded my sight and my head started buzzing.

 

«  Not to piss me off.  »

 

 _I'm going to die_ , I throught. _Killed for being Negan's desobedient human toy. How glorious._

Then he let go and I catched my breath.

 

«But I won't, he concluded, standing up and taking his tee, belt and pants off. Won't be any fun otherwise.  »

 

I undressed myself, and then waited for him to come back on the bed. But he stayed still, eyes gazing at me. I saw his tongue poking between his front teeth, and the bright spark in his eyes. He came back and put his tongue in my mouth.

 

Did he _really_ wanted me to choke  ?

 

I pulled away and he gave a light laugh. He grabbed my face in his hands once more and kissed me with force. But this time, no tongue, thanks God. His teeth began to nibble then bite my bottom lip. I felt blood dropping and the licked it with an apparent pleasure.

 

«  - So you're being a vampire now  ? I tried to joke, body hard and hot.

\- I'm no vampire Rick but still, I'm going to suck you off.  »

 

He looked enthousiastic at the idea. He took of my underwear in a tough gesture, I heard the fabric cracking. He took my cock in his hand, I could feel myself pulsating in his palm. I was already hard but began harder and harder thanks to his attentions. He was staring at my face the whole handjob, smiling at my pleased expression and moans.

 

Negan put his thumb in my mouth and I sucked it. His voice was hushed when he whispered  :

 

« You slutty thing … Let me relieve you a bit.  »

 

He took his finger out and caressed my mouth with it. His own went on my torso, nibbling my nipples, kissing my stomach. When he went to my pelvis, he began to lick slowly, too slowly for my taste. He went down to my thighs, biting the flesh. His hands were on my hips and he held me fiercely.

 

After what seemed far too long, his tongue landed on my tip. My body shivered and he wore a pleased grin before taking me in his mouth, inch by inch, thumbs massaging my hips. Then I felt I reached the back of his throat and I let out a loud gasp.

 

_Fuck  ! Did I-  ?_

 

We stopped for a few seconds, in case Carl was coming. But he wasn't checking on us.

Negan hummed while sucking me off, before licking my shaft up and down. I was moaning, groaning, panting, making sentences with no end.

 

I lost sense of time. He could have been down there a few seconds or an hour. His beard was scratching my legs, his hot breath on my thighs made me squirm. I finally gathered the energy to look at him and the first think I thought was...

 

_I could strangle him._

He was between my legs, defenseless, unaware that I could kill him.

_I could end him here and now, with no blood spread._

 

I suddenly felt a jolt in my body and my left hand went in his hair, grabbing it and making him go faster, go rougher. His right hand left my hips to hold mine, stroking my palm slowly.

 

Then I came. He let go of my dick, not wanting to have cum in his mouth, or even to swallow it. But he jerked me off again, letting me ejaculate all over the sheets, some of my semen landing on our bodies.

 

«What made you so implicated all of a sudden  ? Negan inquired, getting up. Come on, tell me. No, no, let me guess  ! he said with his sadistic grin, taking the lube I had taken with us and put on a near bookshelf. Jeez, you really needed some action. Did you had sex since our last time  ?  »

 

I didn't answer that.

Negan went back next to and made me sit up. He scrutinized me for a long time then licked his lips slowly, grinning at the expression I wore.

 

I didn't wanted to know how I looked like then.

But still, he seemed glad to watch me. His eyes glowed with lust and I could see his muscles hard and tight. He pushed on my back once again, hands on my throat (I was afraid he would try to choke me once again) then my cheeks.

 

«Have you thought about killing me while I was giving you a blowjob, Rick  ?  »

 

His body was back on top of mine. He was still staring at me, not blinking, voice low and deep. I looked at his broad shoulders, at his strong arms and I noticed he was hard. Really, _really_ hard.

 

«- Have you  ? he asked once more.

\- Yes, I admitted, not able to lie to him.

\- And how would you have explained your dear people the evil Negan was found dead and naked in your guest room on Christmas  ? What story would you have made not to tell you murdered me while I was sucking you  ? Oh, he let out. It's that why you didn't do it  ? Too scared of smearing your name  ?

\- Yes, I repeated.

\- I'm glad you didn't. But, I have to tell you, he informed me while opening the lube bottle, I don't like this shit. I don't like you thinking about killing while I'm sucking you. It just kills the mood.  »

 

Well, his sex mood still looked fine if I judged by the hard-on he had. He put a load on lube in his hand and stroked himself with it. He then ordered with a growl  :

 

« Lie down on your front. Now.  »

 

So I did.

Negan whistled , not touching me. I put my face in the pillow, bracing myself for what was going to come. I heard him stand up. What was he doing  ? He was fumbling in his pockets or at least, that what I guessed. I felt the mattress crackle as he came back on the bed and exposed  :

 

« I don't have time for the iron punishment here and now. Plus, that's the thing I do in my camp and that won't be polite to do this to you in your own house. Rude. Wrong, he continued. But so were you. Wanting to kill me in the middle of a great blowjob  ? _Rude. Wrong._ »

 

I heard a crack and I felt a burn all over my back. It didn't hurt at first but then … It stinged.

Then another one.

And another one.

 

He was whipping me with his belt. He was hurting me, burning and itching my skin, marking me like cattle. So I'd remember to behave around him. So I'd stay obedient.

 

And he abandonned my back to focus on my ass, lashing it as he hissed  :

 

«  It's **rude** and it's **wrong** and it's so, so **uncool** of you and I won't **tolerate** any of that shit  !  »

 

With a final and brutal whip, he threw his belt on the side of the bed and tightened my throat again with a hand, using the other one to lube my asshole.

 

« You work for me. You provide me. You **belong to me** , he articulated furiously against my neck. And you don't try anything funny while I'm busy fucking you.  »

 

He slammed himself inside of me as I stiffled a cry in the pillow.

 

«  It's rude.  »

 

With a violent move, he thrusted himself deeply and continued in a venomous tone  :

 

«  And it's wrong.  »

 

I was panting with pain, stomach and throat clenched. My breath was coming short. I was close to a panick attack. I was so defenseless, so miserable, just able to hope it would be over soon.

Maybe I should have prayed.

 

Noticing he didn't have my full attention, he slapped my face.

 

« You're not listening to me. You're not focusing on me. Feel me. Hear me. Loosen your ass for me. Please me.  »

 

He took me in his arms with no tenderness, tightening his grip on my body. He fucked me hard, letting me no time to take a break, no time to try to think about something else than him fucking me. My head was spinning even I was lying down. I felt like I was losing my mind, that it was torn apart from my body with each and every thrust.

 

I could hear myself moaning, even … even asking for more. After the pain and despite the fear I was feeling, there was pleasure. A rough one, far from the softness I was used to with women. A rough and overwhelming one.

 

Then he stopped, cock still inside of me. He was panting and he take to take a couple breaths before he could say  :

 

« I'm sure your son can hear you moan. You're so loud. And needy. And … he remarked before chuckling, and you know how I'm going to call you. »

 

He began fucking me again. And despite the shame, I moaned once more. The pleasure was even stronger than before, the lack of his thrust leaving me wanting for more, more, more, please, more. Between two surges of pain and bliss, I heard him articulate  :

 

«  _You slutty thing_.  »

 

I felt myself ejaculate, wetting my legs and the sheets. My deep sigh of pleasure didn't go unnoticed and said it again and again until he came himself.

 

Negan stayed a little bit inside of me, then withdrawed. I heard him go to the guest's bathroom just next door. I was unable to move. I felt broken. I felt lost. I was feeling everything and nothing in the same time. I was smelling his scent on my skin and all over the bed and feeling his warmth on the messy sheets.

 

I didn't hear him coming back. He was standing up next to me, staring at my sore back. His fingers brushed my skin with care and he winced a bit.

 

« Good thing it's sweater season. Nobody will have to notice this. I didn't think you would mark so easily. Delicate young girl skin you have, Rick. You'll better dress up and go to bed. It's getting late. Oh  ! He exclaimed after looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It's past midnight  ! Merry Christmas you slutty thing  !»

 

Negan bent down to give me a soft kiss. Then he hurried me to go to my room because he needed some rest. So was I.

 

So was I.

* * *

 

 

«  - Why are you still here  ? Don't you have wives to spend Christmas with  ? asked Carl after getting up and seeing Negan cooking in the kitchen.

\- Real funny, kid  ! I should take your present back, that would learn you a lesson. Look  ! he ordered, flipping a pancake in the air. Tadaah  !

\- You … made me a present  ?

\- Well, what sort of guest would I be otherwise  ? he laughed. Come calling on Christmas dinner without gifts  ? You sister has some too  !

\- And my dad  ?

\- He had his. Don't worry 'bout that. Is he still sleeping  ? Maybe we should wake him up.

\- I'm not sure-

\- Hush, hush. I have an idea  ! Negan exclaimed after noticing a batteries-operated CD player and a pile of records near. He should wake up to the sound of Christmas...  »

 

Carl was really, really, not sure about this.

* * *

 

 

 _**I don't want a lot for Christmas** _  
_**There is just one thing I need** _  
_**I don't care about the presents** _  
_**Underneath the Christmas tree** _  
_**I just want you for my own …** _

Oh God, did he really put Mariah Carey at full volume around the house  ? Luckily, I was up and dressing Judith. I carried her down the stairs where Negan was waiting for us, Lucille in his hand and a big smile spreaded across his face.

 

«  - Hohoho  ! he laughed, trying to imitate Santa's laugh. Well, that was lame. I let the kids' presents on the kitchen table  ! So, have fun with yours, lil' angel, he said, giving Judith a soft kiss on the forehead. And now, Lucille and I have some Christmas fun to get  ! It's time for dead fuckers festive head smashing time  ! Wanna join me kid  ?

\- I'll pass.

\- And you, Rick  ? Don't you want us to have some bounding time  ?

\- Guess I'll pass too.

\- I understand. Christmas is family's time. So I'll stay with Lucille today, he answered, walking to the door and getting out. Merry Christmas  !  »

 

And then he was gone like nothing happened.

I looked at Carl who was staring at his present like it was some kind of bomb.

 

«A book. ' _Get laid or die trying_ '. How nice, he remarked with an embarassed little cough. Maybe I should open up Judith's ones. He could have gave her a kitchen knife or something. He's wicked.  »

 

Luckily, my daughter's presents were normal. A doll and a copy of 'Where the wild things are'. I was relieved Negan was not fucked up enough to do evil presents to small kids. I avoided Carl's questions about my own gift.

 

We spent the day around town, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. And I forgot a little bit about last night. Just a little bit.

* * *

 

 

If the people of Alexandria had suddenly gone quiet, they could have heard someone laughing like a devil and yelling in the woods something which sounded like  :

 

«  MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU DEAD FUCKERS !  »

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Loverman!  
> Here I stand Forever, Amen  
> Cause I am what I am what I am what I am  
> Forgive me, baby  
> My hands are tied  
> And I got no choice  
> No, I got no choice at all
> 
> I'll say it again:
> 
> L is for LOVE, baby  
> O is for O yes I do  
> V is for VIRTUE, so I ain't gonna hurt you  
> E is for EVEN if you want me to  
> R is for RENDER unto me, baby  
> M is for that which is MINE  
> A is for ANY old how, darling  
> N is for ANY old time"
> 
> \- Loverman, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.


End file.
